She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
