You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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