jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
