70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
