I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
