I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
