Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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