Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
