My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
