You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
