1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
