Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
