I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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