I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
