fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
