the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
