when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
