hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
