Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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