I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
