How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
