How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
