Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
