My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
