Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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