i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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