help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
