Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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