So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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