you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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