I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
