She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
