found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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