I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
