I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
