Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
