I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
