she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
