I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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