so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
