Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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