my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
