That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
