got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
