Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
