she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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