If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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