you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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