worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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