I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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