and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
