Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
