how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
