FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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