Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
