Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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