wanna go halves on a baby?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
