so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
