I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
