and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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