Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
