i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
