you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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