I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just google imaged poop.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize