Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
