Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
