her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
