can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
