it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
