cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
