laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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