tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
