grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
