PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When are your genitals available?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
