Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
