I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
