My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
