Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
