One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
