was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
