On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
