i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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