yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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