Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
