i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
