Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize