Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
