Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
