he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
