I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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