youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
