remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
