My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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