id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
