i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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