Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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