I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
