i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
why do cheetos always look like penises
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize