Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
