I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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