She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
